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24 Things Dads Say

June 15, 2020
5 min. read


Our dads say some of the best things. Between “dad jokes” and the most inspiring advice you’ve ever heard, some sayings are just uniquely dad. Check out the collection of things our dads say below, and let us know the funny things your own dad says on social media or by commenting below!

Jokes Dads Say

Whether it’s a pun or a clever play on words, dads always seem to be quick-witted with something silly to say that just makes you laugh (and maybe roll your eyes a little).

  1. Which word is always spelled wrong in the dictionary? Wrong.
  2. Me: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut.
  3. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
  4. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it’s your scenter.
  5. Me: I’m hungry. My dad: Hi Hungry, I’m Dad!
  6. Why are watermelons full of water? Because they’re planted in the spring.
  7. I had a dream I was working on my car’s tailpipe. I woke up exhausted.
  8. I was wrong once: I thought I was wrong but it turned out I was right.
  9. Why should you always put your left shoe on last? Because it’s the only one left.
  10. Me: Dad, do you want to play a board game? My Dad: No. There’s a reason they call them ‘bored’ games.
  11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
  12. Apparently you can’t use ‘beefstew’ as a password. It is not stroganoff.
  13. If you say “gullible” really fast…it sounds like “orange.”
  14. I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.

Things Dads Do

All dads are different, but just about every dad has some unique characteristic, story, or skill to pass on to the next generation. And sometimes, we just can’t help but smile at the things dads do.

  1. “My dad always did the thing where he made us believe he ‘pulled his thumb off,’ but it’s just a sleight of hand trick.”
  2. “My dad does this hilarious dad thing where, when he has a good story, he’ll tell it for weeks to different groups of people with the same amount of enthusiasm as the first time he told it. The signature story will change as he experiences something else to top the last one. I’ve heard the story of him accidentally sitting on the rival side at a college basketball game and meeting their coach about 4 times.”
  3. “One time, we were on a road trip to the beach, and we had all the windows down. After being stuck in some traffic, and my dad remarked that he was starting to get hot. Then he looks across the street and there was a guy in an ice cream cone costume promoting an ice cream shop. So, what does my dad do? He looks out the window and yells ‘Hey! Can I lick your head?!’”
  4. “Having two daughters, my dad made sure to teach us the skills we would need for any situation we found ourselves in—whether it was changing a tire or just being cognizant of our surroundings. Even as adults, he continues to watch out for us by sharing weather alerts, finance tips, news stories, and various other precautions. He is very tech savvy and a favorite hobby among our family members is to warn each other of sneaky email scams we come across. He always makes sure we are prepared for every circumstance and coming season—it’s one of his ways of showing his love.”
  5. “My dad is very hands-on and loves to fix things or figure out problems. He is very good at coming up with solutions and likes the challenge of fixing something or making something new. He tried to teach me how to fix things on my own. He thought I needed to be self-sufficient.  Thank goodness he did! I may not have to do it often, but the basic understanding of plumbing, wiring, heating, insulation, and other household repairs as well as the ability to take care of a car has served me well over the years.”

Advice Dads Give

At the end of the day, we have a lot to learn from our dads, so when we gather little tidbits of wisdom from him, they often stick with us for years to come.

  1. “We always made fun of my dad for having ‘Mr. Brady’ moments and going into long, drawn out lectures of advice. For example, I remember being lectured on ‘just be yourself.’ Of course, like any good child, I didn’t listen, and for the entirety of my middle and high school years I tried to fit into a crowd that I was never going to fit into. I got it right in college, but I wish I would’ve listened to him sooner.”
  2. “Work hard and let the result of your work speak for itself.” –Tony Martin on the best advice his dad gave him
  3. “My dad has told me that this is some of the best advice he has ever been given, and now it’s my favorite budgeting pro tip: You can afford almost anything you want, but you can’t afford everything you want.”
  4. “You’re always either spending money or making money, so be careful how much time you spend spending money.” –Tony Martin, on the advice his grandfather gave
  5. “Find out what you’re good at, or what makes you different, and do that.” –Joe Martin on the best advice his dad gave him


Happy Father’s Day!


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